Nothing Witty

Why I love Jenny the Bloggess:

Also, today someone sent me an email telling me that God strangles a kitten every time I say “awesome” and I was all “There’s no way God has enough time to strangle that many kittens” but then I realized that God could probably multi-task like a mofo and that it’s probably some kind of sin to question his magical kitten-strangling abilities.  Also, I’ve killed a lot of kittens.  Apparently.
Go read the WHOLE POST.

SO then Brian and I are talking about killing kittens- there is that whole “everytime you masturbate, God kills a kitten” poster and I say “I’ve killed a lot of kittens, but I bet you’ve killed more kittens than I have!”  and all he said was “Probably.”

And then he said I could blog this.

For my birthday I would really appreciate a new mouth.    I don’t even need a whole new one, just the roof part.

You see, Santa, it’s not that I don’t like or appreciate the one you gave me- it’s I bit into sucker, and the hard candy splintered- and shaved part of the roof of my mouth off.  It bled, quite profusely at first. Eating has been… not quite… fun.  Or drinking.  Hot liquid is quite unbearable. Anything with salt results in unladylike language.  The mouthwash I do several times a day to keep the wound from mortifying results in unspeakable agony.

So Please, Santa, just a new roof of the mouth. Nothing fancy.  This is getting really old…

GOLDEN DOODLE?  WHY? How?  Is this right? Is this real?
http://www.fullcirclekennel.com/_.htm

I’m nominating someone for something, but I can’t say who or for what until after all the nominations are in!

I’m excited but DAMN writing this nomination letter has been hard work…

At this point Jeff hasn’t seen Emma since the 12th of Oct. He has not called, written, NOTHING.  Has not responded to ANY of the emails I sent him.  He missed (again) a visit Sunday because he made no plans.  And assumed I’d just bend over.  And then I didn’t- because I said “NOTHING changes until something is signed by a judge!” and I meant it.  We have a tentative agreement worked out for temp. visitations- most of which Krista approved. So when I got back from Krista’s office, wrote my response to the mediator, hit send, checked my other email this was in my inbox:

was wondering if you are going to respond to the mediators email about Emma being able to see her dad on a regular basis.

YOU ARE AMAZED! The wordiness!  The eloquence! The capitalization! The “How was Emma? I’m missing her terribly!”  Oh, wait.  That WASN’T there, was it…  No, in one single sentence he manages to imply I’ve messed up his life and continue to do so just for the FUN of it, and that also? I’m rude and not responding to the mediator’s email (when I did, in fact, do so. Last week).

Meeting with Krista today helps.  I know more now where we are going.  I feel so much better.

Think Geek baby!

My Friend Jacqueline makes the best popcorn balls in the world.  As in I’ve eaten 2 today-(I like my fat ass, I guess)

She won’t tell me the recipe.  Says its a family secret.  WELL I FIGURED IT OUT!

HAHAHAHAHA

Shall I share it with you?

(She said she’d tell me, but then she’d have to kill me.  She DIDN’T tell me, I just figured it out with the help of google…)

Shhhh- it’s a secret, okay?

Soft Popcorn Balls Ingredients

10 Oz unpopped corn

24 Oz bag of mini-marshmallows

1/4 cup butter

food coloring

Pop the popcorn. Remove all kernels that are not popped. Put popped corn in a large roasting pan. Melt butter or margarine and marshmallows over low heat in a double boiler. Add food coloring, if desired, at this point. Pour melted marshmallows over the popped corn and mix with a wooden spoon, being careful as the mixture is hot. When the mix has cooled a bit, rub butter on your hands and finish mixing by hand. Add more butter to your hands and shape mixture into balls. Store balls in baggies or wrap in plastic wrap.

So last night I dreamed I was in mediation and we were trying to solve the worlds problems.  And I was cool with solving the worlds problems AFTER mine had been solved.  I kept begging “Please can we stick to MY issues?  This is really expensive…”

So apparantly I have some issues with mediation that are giving me frustrated dreams.

I also dreamed Brian and I were like Warriors (????) and we had to get away on a train.  But Brian got on the first train and so did I, but then realized Emma was on a different one, which left me jumping off the train going really fast.  So Emma and I took the seperate train together.

I had a really messed up night of sleep- so I’m lightheaded today.  I hate random wierd dreams.

The woman 4 people in front of me was having trouble with her debit card.  She looked Hispanic, and spoke Spanish.  She finally got it to work- paid and left.

Woman directly in front of me turns, says to me “I hate these illegal Mexicans- I hate all Mexicans, don’t you?”

I gave her the coldest stare I’ve ever given anyone and said “My sister is half Hispanic, thank you. No. I don’t hate them.  I don’t hate anyone.  Except racist ignorant people, that is.”

She left her cart and walked out.  What a bitch.  And now I’m fuming.

So yesterday I accidentally left a tiny tiny smudge of paint on someone else’s car.  I mean REALLY tiny. And I probably could have wiped it off (but didn’t try).

The person parked to the left of me parked less than 6 inches away from me- I was squarely where I should have been. So I’m blaming that person for parking so poorly that backing out was tricky.

I took pictures.  I waited 10 minutes and then I left a note with my name and number.  There were other scratches/dings etc but the car (at least in comparison to mine) is really nice… But I couldn’t just drive away- cause that’s wrong.

I was so so stressed because I have great insurance- but I didn’t want it to go up.

The lady called last night and said “I’ve had multiple scratches, the car is old, and you are the FIRST person who has ever left a note.  I really appreciate that and please, don’t worry about it.  You left a tiny black mark.  In my experience I’ve learned we will all be where you are at some point. Thank you again for your honesty and have a really nice night.”

OMG.  I was so happy.  I’d mentally prepared myself to be yelled at/sued and she was so lovely.  So please- send out good karma thoughts to Linda, who is a really really nice person.  Linda, where ever you are, I hope you have a really nice life. And thank you for being forgiving.